Someone once told me..

Someone once told me that when paradise becomes home it’s time to leave.
That’s kind of hard when you really don’t want to. Paradise changing shape and becomes your life. Every day is a party. Every day is vacation. And every day you think that today is the day you actually gonna do something.

Back home there’s always something you need to do, always a deadline, always someone you need to meet. The only thing you need to do here is to decide what to eat, where to sit and when to take a shower. It’s a lazy life. It’s a brilliant life.
But if this was everyday life back home I would shoot myself. Today I woke up tasting like an ashtray in my mouth, with a head as big as a pumpkin and a face looking like a dead person. This is not healthy. This is not paradise.

But what can you do? You keep on going. You keep deciding what to eat, where to sit and you take about four more showers than you usually do. And maybe… just maybe you actually go to the beach.
Paradise is my home and it’s time to leave. It’s time to grow up and start doing stuff. Hahaha,, Never!
I hate stuff!

Remember.. I am Charlie. I am the manchild refusing to grow up. Life is a bitch and I just fell in love with her. Keep r ocking that hula-hoop!

2592000 Seconds

A month is 30 days, 720 hours, 43200 minutes or 2592000 seconds. About a third of all those minutes and seconds you’re either asleep or have no idea of what you’re doing.
I’m in Thailand for a month. I’m in Thailand for one and a half week more.

I’m in Thailand for another 15840 minutes and I don’t know where all my time went.

Where did my minutes go? People say time flies by when you are having fun. I have loads of fun. But still.. I need more minutes.
Coming to Koh Chang again is amazing. It’s like coming home. It’s 30 degrees, the sun is shining and the water is warm. And you actually don’t need to do anything.
We did go to Klong Plu waterfalls, went to the Grand Lagoona and had bbq brunch at a friend’s house. And I did burn my nose. I do stuff, but I don’t need to.

In a way I miss home. I miss my friends. I miss my job and I miss my apartment. I miss all those small things you don’t think about when you’re actually back home living it. But home is always there.

When I leave Koh Chang it’s going to be a whole year of missing something you don’t know if you’re coming back to. I’m gonna miss all those people you’ll never see again. The people that became your family a few weeks in paradise. The people you keep mailing telling them you’re going to visit them.

And all you have back home is a red nose, peeling skin and a bunch of out of focus pictures of you and you’re family drinking a bucket with five straws and a happy smile.
It’s strange to be going home. It’s strange not to be at home. It’s a really annoying thing to have a red nose.

Once I fell in love with this island. I’m falling in love again. But in one and a half week I’m going to fall in love with Gothenburg again. My nose is going to be normal and I’ll be texting my family on the Face. But until then..
I’m gonna keep doing nothing. Keep riding my bike. Keep sunscreening my red nose and keep falling in love with Koh Chang.

Life is a filthy whore and I just paid her of. I am Charlie! I am living the life. I am the rednosed motherfucker in the land of buckets and sunshine.

Helsinki Disturbia

Im suffering from a major hangover!

Turning 27 was a bucket party I to much enjoyed. Im finally back in Thailand. Strangely enough I still think about home and work.

I will make one thing clear for everyone. If you ever plan to go travel. Dont go to Helsinki airport. Not a good place to spend 9 hours alone. Not even 5 hours alone. The big bkk is a blast even when you walking the streets by yourself. But sitting on a airport doesnt give you much to do.

I love it here. I love the sea. I just have to learn not to dive in those qute little buckets.

Its raining and I think Im gonna watch an entire season of Gossip girl. Can you blame me? I still have 3 weeks left in paradise. I dont need to go to the beach today. I dont need to do anything.

Im just gonna kick back and picture my 10 hours in Helsinki airport on my way home.

I am Charlie. Im the vacation whore loving life. I am a screaming hangover from hell!

Homesick at home?

Three days this week I´ve been waking up feeling im not done sleeping yet. With feeling horror of needing to leave my bed.
Today I actually woke up happy to be awake. Strange.. but nice.
My second cousin once said that it was so weird that he always went to bed not feeling tired at all, but woke up more tired then he was the day before. And really.. what´s the point of sleeping if you only get tired?
When I went down to the coffee house today I realized that it´s just two weeks until I go out travelling again, or go on vacation. And it is scary...
I know I should be lucky and jump up and down. But this time I really enjoy myself and my life back home. So what´s the point of running away for a month then?
I said once before that my Gothenburg has gotten smaller by the years. It 's basicly my job, and the coffe house. A small bit of a whole city. But such a good little bit though. It´s gonna be nice to come to Thailand again. But this time I´m leaving a home I actually gonna miss. A home I really enjoy.
But on the other hand,, if the answer to the everyday question "How are you" is "Good, but tired".. Maybe it´s the sun calling for you.
It´s just a month and home is gonna be here when I get back.
I am Charlie. I am the boy who is feeling homesick before leaving my home. I am Charlies neurotic head.

A room with a view

From my window I can look out over the rooftops of Gothenburg. Look out on the city I both love and adore. It´s a good view, a nice view. It´s the view I´ve always wanted to have. I love my city and love looking out on it.. but still... I never walk it.
My neurotic feelings and way of life have made my Gothenburg small. Basicly to one street and a coffee shop. I need to make a change in my life. I need to change something.
A few days ago I went home witth this guy.A nice guy.. And all we did was talk. We talked and we spooned. I loved that. And it made me realize that there´s so many things in life I actually miss.
I needed to change my life. I needed to go outside my street and find another coffee shop.
I cleaned my apartment.
I cleaned up my home, I bought a new shampoo and I started to brush my teeth three times a day. It´s not much but it is a beginning.
So now I´m sitting here witht a clean beginning and clean white teeth, looking out on my city, wondering when I´m actually will walk my hometown.
Maybe tomorrow.. maybe never.
I´ts just me. I´ts just me in a room with a view.
Remember,, to look is a passive way of doing stuff. I am Charlie. I am the lazy bitch who wants something more.

Were the world mine

When I was younger everything was so much easier. Going to the summer house in the summer doing nothing but play with my friends, laying on the beach thinking nothing of school. You were the hero of your own fantasies.
Then the fall came and school started again. And the most exciting thing was to see how everybody had changed during the summer. Of course nothing much had happend. But still.. the excitement to see your friends in school again was like opening the latest edition of Hello Magazine.
Now it´s not like that anymore. Everything is choices. You have to choose..
What to do during the summer. Do you want to travel? Do you want to stay at your work? Do you want to do a 180 and change your life by go all the way down to Oz?
Everything is a choice and the desicion you make will have such a big impact on your life it´s hard to even come up with an idea. I´m stuck in Limbo.
If the world were mine i would make it easier.
At this point I dont know wether I want to grow up and stay in my co-op apartment, building me a home with my safe job and my safe place with my safe friends or if I just want to go out in the world again and never look back.
Im tired. Im tired of all the choices, of not sleeping enough. Of sleeping too much. Im tired of not knowing if Im making the right desicions.

Were the world mine I would change my name. I would live in a city where the choices were easy. I would be my own amazing fantasy.
I would be the hero of my life. Life is a tricky buisness and to fall is the only way to get back up again.
Were the world mine I would still be me. I am Charlie. I am the sleeping urg waiting to wake up.

Summer and a hang over.

It´s in the middle of the summer and the wind is blowing like a mad man!
I can honestly count the days this summer I´ve been out in the sun. Even though a great summer as it´s been.
My black hole is behind me and everything is looking up. Of course I still have some bumps in the road to deal with. But who wants to bother anymore.
What I realized the last couple of days is that it´s a lot easier to dig in to work than to actually think about doing something with your life.
So what am I going to do..
I´m going to work my ass of, sit at Doppio thinking about simple things and maybe, just maybe...
Maybe sometime in the fall I will have the time and money to runaway a little bit again. Home is starting to feel a bit small and useless.
Home is feeling a bit weird and unnecisarry. Let´s all get out and get a briliant hang over.

I am charlie. I dont get it! At all..