I want my life back

All the glorious emotions I felt when I came back home and all the joy I felt in sitting on safe ground suddenly disappeared under my feet.
It´s not that anything actually have changed in my beatutiful hometown. It´s more the feeling of not being a part of it.
Since I came home nothing that I´ve done has been the home that I knew. My worries of working, stressing out and sleeping. None of those things are the stuff you really want to do when you just got back from a half a year trip.
I want to meet friends, sit in cafés talking shit about Lindsey Lohan and drink beer with my flatmates late into the night bragging about who has seen the biggest penis yet.
I´m not there yet. I don´t have an apartment. I don´t have any money.
I don´t have a reason to be here.
Someone once wrote:
"To come home should be a schlager, but maybe home can never be a place as long as you are alone, maybe in the end home is a person who makes you beautiful, who you can and want to make beautiful..."
I am beautiful. I am alone.
Where do I lay my hat at the end of my day?

Nothing in school prepared me for these kinds of questions. Nothing in my life so far has taught me how to handle a sitiuation of confusion like this.
I know how to talk to a drunk person while pouring up a dry Martini, how to remember a whole manuscript and the basics in ballet.
But my own neurotic feelings and emotions?
Anxiety is not a good feeling. I dont even know if it is a feeling.
Are you scared? I am scared.. If I sound a bit confused? Yes! I am a little bit confused!
Life is a tricky buisness. I had a life in Gothenburg. I want it back!

This is my Gothenburg! Remember.. I am Charlie. Welcome to my brain.