Happy new year!

Soo,, the ending of a year. And the beginning of another. I must admit that I was really confused the other day.

It's weird celebrating the beginning of a year when you dont even know wich year it actually is.

I just realized that I had no idea of wich day, wich time or wich year it was.

Yes... I was scared and confused.

I hope everybody had a great year.. I know I certainly did.

Yesterday I had my fortune told by a Pakistani man who came to the restaurant.

And this is what he told me..

I have a good heart. I look rich but I'm really not.

My words might be angry.. but my heart is good.

I'm gonna have a good year. Good money.. and a lot of fun. And in March I will meet love.

I will meet a beautiful, rich, european......... woman!?

Well there you go!

Keep it real.. keep it safe! It's all happening!

Merry Christmas everybody!

Life is a cabaret and you're invited!

Socially exhausted.

For a person who really dont know how to be on his own and suffers seriously by verbal diarea, it's not really a good feeling.

I dont like it.

I remember the feeling when I was 17 and started in a new school and I did'nt know anyone.

Young, cool and with my brothers old jeans jacket, I walk in without a word trying to have as much pondus as possible.

Of you looked at me I probably looked like a bitch. But inside I was freaking out. My insides were screaming for me to run out of there.

A scared litle boy.

I can still recall that feeling.

The worst feeling I know is to be in a room with loads of people without wanting or having the strength to talk to anyone. If you even know what to say...

Socially exhausted.

I'm tired. My head is heavy and I'm totally satified with just being on my own.

Maybe it's good to be alone sometimes.

It's a really weird thing, good byes.
I was never good at it. Specially when you're out travlling. You're saying good bye to a person you've got to know better then the most people in your life and you know for a fact that the chance of ever actually meeting again are somewhere between never and ever.
A few days ago the most of our crowd left us and then there was four. It's time to go on. Time to discover something more.
But we're still on Koh Chang. And we are gonna keep saying good bye until we leave this place. That's the bad thing of staying a long time in a place like this. I dont want to go.. but I dont want to say good bye anymore. I wont do it. I dont know how you do it. It's a stupid thing to say.

Soo I trust in the Face and say See you later!

Question:

I know what a pie is. And apparently a Strudel is a pie. But if a strudel is a pie.. why just not call it a pie.
And then about the quiche... Quiche is like a pie. Why keep people telling me that everything is like a pie?
Is a strudel a pie? Is a pie a strudel or is it a quiche? If strudel is a quiche and quiche is a pie?

Everything is a pie!

Somtimes in life you're totally satisfied with everything. Everything around you, the people you're with and the feeling in your body..
When I was a small child and we spended our summers in our summer place, I was learning how to swim.
And one day it was cold, raining and the wind was blowing. I remember the feeling of going up from the water as my mother took me in the blanket and rubbed me warm. And after comming home we got hot chocolate and warm buns, playing cardboard games...

Now.. 26 years old it's not that easy anymore.

Yesterday we sat on the porch to our bungalow. Me, Anna and two of our knew found friends. Just doing nothing. It was'nt anything special.. We did'nt do anything. We did'nt want to do anything. An hour in my life I'm gonna remember. Because everything was perfect.

I did'nt have a warm blanket, I did'nt have hot chocolate. It was just me, Anna and our friends doing nothing. I am Charlies happy insides!

Keep living the dream!

So after one and a half month of travveling I begin to wonder...
It's a really strange way of living. At this time me and my friend decided to just stay here on Koh Chang for the rest of our stay in Thailand.
But what do you actually do here.. A beach with a couple of bars and that's it.
My hardest desicion right now is to decide what to eat for dinner. It's not hard to be content here... but how do you actually know if you're happy?

When I was a kid I always wanted to go to the amusement park. I loved being there.. the smell of popcorn, the screaming from the swings and the adrenalin rushing through my body. I wanted do be there everyday..
Then I started to work there and the smell of popcorn made me sick, the screaming was just plain enoying. And the adrenalin never came back... I loved my job. But it was not the same feeling as when I was younger.

I think I'm happy right now. But I dont think that living in Thailand on a beach like this would be a cleaver choice.
I want to feel the adrenalin again... I want to feel something. Life on buckets is a life without real feelings. Life on buckets is not my choice..
But tonight I'll be on it again... Trust me.. I will.

Maybe seven weeks is to long on the same place... maybe it's way to long.

Vansinnet fortsatter. Magen ar battre men levern mar skit.

Kanske ar det dags att inse nar festen ar over. Kanske ar det dags att inse att man inte ar tjugo langre. Kanske ar det dags att sluta.

Koh Chang

Det ar konstigt att vara tillbaka. Konstigt pa ett bra satt.
Radslan for att allt skall ha forandrats finns inte langre.
Sjalvklart.. mycket ar andrat. Men det kanns bra anda. Det kanns bra i kroppen.
Mitt lilla lojliga face och jag tog oss till stranden.
Den snygga tjejen solar topless, den feta ungen branner flasket och min sorgliga lilla mage bubblar fortfarande.
Sa jag tanker ligga har. Tyst som en mus. Alldeles stilla sa ingen ser mig. Mitt lilla face och jag..

Sa medans kravallerna fortsatter i Bangkok med bomber och nedstangning av flygplats sa bubblar min mage med en spannande kansla.

Kanslan ar magsjuka.

Kanslan av att inte kunna behalla natt far en forvisso att kanna sig smal. Men skulle rekommendera annat satt om man vill tappa vikt. Sa medans alla drar till stranden tanker jag att jag gar till sangs och vantar pa nasta vag.
JAG ALSKAR THAILAND! Eeehhhee... hmmm.

Och by the way... fraga:

Skulle du helst stota pa en lejonhona i vildmarken eller en grizzlybjorn i skogen?

Sa,, mitt lilla lojliga face och jag ar i Thailand. Och vad va tanken? Hitta mig sjalv, skapa en identitet och leta efter Nirvana?
Ne, jag vill ju bara ha lite kul! Efter en vecka pa Tonsai och en vecka i Vang Vieng maste jag saga att min lever ar redo for att hoppa ur min kropp och slapa sig hem till Sverige.
Och som Carrie brukar saga... I cant help but thinking.. Kanske jag borde aka hem och lagga in mig pa reheb.
21 Januari ar det dags for Australien. Kanske det blir lugnare..... eeehh..

Guds hamd mot manskligheten.... Buckets!!!!!!!!!!!!!