Midsummer

It hurts to be alone.
Sometimes you dont realize it.
Sometimes you just block it out. But it does. It hurts. It´s that feeling who tells you it´shard to get up in the morning, who makes you feel tired in the middle of the day. It´s that feeling who makes you feel lost without even notice it.

Tomorrow´s midsummer and I dont even know how to celebrate it. It´s been a long way home and finally I´m actually home. I have my job back. My apartment. But why does it feel like it doesn´t matter?
I think I lost myself somewhere. I never had any problems with being on my own. Always liked to have my own time and myself to take care of.

It hurts to be alone. And I dont even know why I feel it.

I am Charlie. I am the circle that doesn´t lead anywhere. I am happy in every fucking aspect you can ever imagine. This is the dark side of a happy smile. I am me.

Comunication

There´s a small little café in Gothenburg called Doppio..
There is were I find myself sitting the most days of my life at home. It feels safe. It´s like Switzerland. It´s neutreal.
I feel a little bit lost and then it´s nice to be somewhere that feels like home. But I think everything is going the right way. When I came home I felt I was gliding down in a big black hole. I´m still there.
I was in Thailand a few yeasrs ago and was living in a bungalow up in the trees. In the middle of the night I woke up by a weird sound. There was a scratching sound on the roof like claws trying to get a grip. Then something that sounded like a really horny cat, really loud. Meeeaaaooooow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Probably a monkey but I could hear it go down, down and then it was quiet.
Going down my black hole I felt like the monkey.. I was the monkey.
But like Curious George I´m climbing my way back up again. One dirty hand at the time.

One of my biggest issues right now is peoples lack of comunication. What the fuck is wrong with people?!
Two of my friends got dumped during this year. With no warning, after having a perfectly good relationship. You dont tell someone how much you love them, how you want to meet their mother and then sneak in to the apartment the day after grabbing your stuff and text your boyfriend Hasta la vista baby it´s over.
You dont crawl up in the sofa, have a cozy night home and at the end of the night tell her you dont love her anymore.
What´s wrong with saying I´m not sure about this can we take a break? Or, I´m having second thoughts about this, in a good situation. What´s wrong with talking about stuff?
When something irritates me I at least text people asking what´s wrong. Have a little heart and answer for god sakes!
And if you´re having problems with comunicating your feelings and do break up with the one you apparently didn´t love. Why do you start comunicate after the break up?
Make up your fucking mind! It´s a war.

Maybe I´m not ready to come out of my hole yet. Maybe I should stay down here a bit and just breath.
I am Charlie. This is my hole, and I´m starting to love it. It´s summer in Charlieland.
Come join the evolution! Stop being stupid!